Searching for answers and change...

So what is this possible life changing moment then? Well...read on. BJ is my friend, always will be. He's a bit like the big brother that I never had. He is though, confused. Confused about exactly what he wants from life. I see this and it's not pleasant to watch. It's also extremely worrying as we are similar in many ways. For RTW10 he couldn't make up his mind if he wanted to travel through Africa with me and eventually I had to set sail without him, only for him to leave three weeks later and finally catch me on my last day in Cape Town. This year was no different but with me injuring my ankle ligaments in mid Febuary (they're still not quite right) it gave him a six more weeks to dither. Truth is I wasn't expecting him to come and when he did make it out with me I was pleasantly surprised. It was good news all round really as we ride well together and have a laugh as we go. However, since before we even boarded our flight away from the UK it was clear that he wasn't fully happy. Since then we've spoken for hours about how the shipping delay has ruined our original route down south to Ushuaia, his choice of bike, the lack of time, cost of the trip, where to finish and what to do with his bike when done. I'm flexible with problems and don't tend to beat myself up over things that are out of my hands and try to see the positives. I don't like regrets, live for the moment..."Get busy living or get busy dying." Andy Defresne, 1967.
It took us an age to agree on what to do about our two week delay and even after we agreed on the new Brazillian northern route he just seemed lost. I knew it and since we finally left Buenos Aires I've known it. On the road his mind just wasn't right for 'our trip.' It's easy to read when riding behind someone who isn't happy. It was only a matter of time before he finally pulled over to give me the news. I'd been expecting it and to be fair it was starting to get to me as like any relationship if someone's not fully into it, it won't work. So a firm handshake later and we parted. I have no idea where he is or where he's going. For me however, the enormity of what lies ahead of me hasn't even began to sink in yet. Typically me, I'm not fully prepared for such a mammoth solo trip. I have little tools, even less know how, no maps, no language skills (not even a phrase book) and no real idea of a route up. You see that despite my pretty map now showing lots of red that seems to impress people the truth is that apart from a 3000 mile blast across the Sahara to a waiting Mick I've always had some sort of support, be it a 4x4 support truck a few hours behind or a fellow rider who's always been far more mechanically skilled than I'll ever be. Many people that I speak to about my travels mention Charlie & Euan as being my possible role models. This is wrong. In this respect my role models are the true heros out there...Ben Owen, Mick Høy and Daniel Good, all young men that I've met on the road in far flung places that do this properly solo. It's these guys that I'm in awe of. And so, here I am then. Maybe I'll see another rider en route or maybe not. But for now here I am in Curuzú Cuatiá - tired, a little scared and alone. I am though...about to sleep, brave and with 'Des.' Grandad...I hope you're proud of me.